Livin like LewLew

Surgery is tomorrow and I've been thinking about it a lot. I hate playing the "What If" game, but I keep thinking about all the things that could go wrong. I am scared, but I also know that I am in the best possible hands. I have an amazing surgeon and a wonderful team of doctors looking out for me. Yes, I am nervous, but I also know that this is for the better. Recovery isn't going to be easy, but I'm prepared for that. As Hayden (my older brother) always says, "pain is only temporary." That's kind of how I am looking at it; none of this is permanent. The pain, the feeding tube, the inability to eat; all of it is temporary. It's time for me to get better. It's been a long road, and I'm so ready to get closer to the finish line.

A little life update - I am back in the hospital. The plan is to get enough nutrients so that I am strong enough to have surgery. As you can see, I have another feeding tube & honestly at this point I am so relieved. I am finally able to get some nutrients. Before, I was literally living off of water and chicken broth, both of which give you absolutely NO energy - that's why the feeding tube was so necessary. I was beginning to faint, I lost a significant amount of weight, and I was really weak. The feeding tube is helping with that. I've mentioned before how awful feeding tubes are, and yes, they SUCK. I have a four foot long tube stuck down my throat - it is most definitely as uncomfortable as it sounds. Sometimes you just gotta fight through the pain. I am also getting a TON of IV fluids, which is good because hydrate or  die -drate. Hahahaha. I don't mind getting IVs. When you've been in and out of the hospital for over a year, you learn to get used to needles

I have been sick for 14 months. It's been 418 days since I could eat normally. I was sick all of 2018. I am a very hopeful and positive person, but this time in my life has been challenging. I am hoping that by sharing my experiences I can help someone going through a rough time too. Here’s an explanation of what I have gone through - I kept it as short as I could, but putting a years worth of struggle into a few paragraphs is really difficult. Starting December of 2017, I began throwing up every food that I swallowed, due to some virus. I was in severe pain and I was beginning to lose weight. I was hospitalized for the first time that December. Doctors tested me for almost everything but all the results came back negative. No one could explain why I was throwing up. Within only a few days of being admitted, the doctors decided to stop looking for possible diagnoses and said that I was having a “brain to gut response.” They believed that stress was causing me to throw up. I, ho