Choose Happy

When things go wrong people tend to focus on, well, the wrong. People always asked me about how I stayed so positive through my illness - through all that I was going through. Yes, things were rough. Here I was with a feeding tube in my nose, connected to a machine 24/7. I was seeing more doctors than I had ever seen before. I was being pricked and prodded, like some science experiment. The worst part was for so much of this time, I went misdiagnosed. It wasn't easy. It took us 6 months to discover my SMAS and 3 months after that to fix it. AND then after all that, four months later, we discovered that something bad happened internally and I had to have major abdominal surgery to fix it. We discovered that if I didn't have that surgery, I may not have survived. My year was definitely not something I wished for - but in all the awful, the only thing that kept me going was the good. The fact that I was alive. The fact that I was able to speak and laugh and smile. The good is what kept me going. I chose to be happy. I chose to keep fighting. Everything I was going through was so complex - my entire year was a puzzle that no one could finish. Being happy was simple. Focusing on the laughter, the joy, the good in life, THAT is how I got through it. And I know, it's easier said than done, BUT trust me when I say this, finding the good in life makes life a whole lot better. 

I won't lie though, there were some REALLY rough days. There were (and are) days when I would literally break down in tears, wishing that all the pain and trouble would just vanish. It was in these moments, though, that I needed positivity and encouragement the most. When I was in the hospital I would read and and hear "Get Well Soon" ALL THE TIME. When is soon? No one knew, and no one knows. It was hard to read. My uncle sent me a silly monkey balloon right after my surgery and it said "Hang in There." That one simple phrase kept me going. "Hang in There" to me means that, okay, yes it SUCKS right now BUT it'll pass. I'm still waiting for it to pass. There are days that I wonder, when will I be all better? Will I be able to play volleyball again? What will happen with prom this year? When will I go back to school? But, the phrase, "Hang in There" reminds me that it is going to be okay. It could take a little time and that is OKAY. One of my very favorite people suffered from ALS. His name was Chris Rosati and he was one of the most inspiring people in the whole world. Even though he was dying from ALS, he chose to spread joy. He chose to be happy. When I went to say goodbye to him, he told me "Cry a little, but laugh a lot." His words got me through the toughest moments, and I am forever grateful for that. If I had known then what I know now, I would have for sure told Chris to "Hang in There" every single day. It helps.

Something I constantly had to remind myself was the fact that things could be way worse. Even though I couldn't eat, I was alive, and that itself was a blessing. It's so easy to get caught up in the wants and wishes in life. Want this or want that. For so long I kept wishing and wishing that I would magically wake up and be normal. That I would wake up and everything would be fine. That I would be able to eat again. For so long, though, this wish was so far out of my reach. I really had to learn to focus on all that I had. And even when things seemed awful, I reminded myself that I was blessed - that I AM blessed. I have so many things that people wish for. I have a family that loves me unconditionally, and friends that care SO much. I have dogs that bring me so much comfort. I have teachers and even people I have never met that are rooting for me everyday. Even though I couldn't eat for so long, I am able to see and hear and speak, something that I believe people take for granted. You don't always realize all that you are blessed to have, until it's taken away from you. I know before I got sick I never would have realized how big of a blessing it is to be able to eat. I know for a fact, that now, I will never take that ability for granted.

Sometimes it's important to take a minute to remember all the blessings that you have in life. It's actually pretty humbling. Focus on the good and you'll be a million times happier.

I suffered from Superior Mesenteric Artery Syndrome and the effects of it. If you want to read more about it click here. https://livinlikelewlew.blogspot.com/2019/01/my-story_24.html

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